GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.



GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.



GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.



SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . having friends.
At age 80 success is . not peeing in your pants.

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Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

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Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female..... Any part under a car's hood.
Male.... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male.... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male.... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male¦ Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

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Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

--
Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

How to Impress a Woman:

-wine her,
-dine her,
-hug her,
-support her,
-compliment her,
-suprise her,
-smile at her,
-hold her,
-romance her,
-laugh with her,
-shop with her,
-cuddle her,
-go to the end of the earth for her...

How to Impress a Man:
-show up naked, bring Beer.

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Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

--
Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

SIXTEEN THINGS WE NEED TO KNOW FOR LIFE
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." (I feel this way about WoW)

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Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

--
Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,
interviews and testing were done there were 3 finalists.



Two men and a woman.


For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the
men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.


"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter
what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife
sitting in a chair.



Kill Her!!!"

"The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife"

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job.

Take your wife and go home."



The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man
came out with tears in his eyes,



"I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same
instructions, to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing,
banging on the walls.


After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman, She wiped the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said.

"I had to beat him to death with the chair."



MORAL : Women are evil

Don't mess with them !!!!!!!!

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Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

--
Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Quote

How to Impress a Man: -show up naked, bring Beer.

Impress us next lan prz.

god you must be bored.

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Quote

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Remember kids, Bruce Willis, with glass in his feet, singlehandedly defeated the evil german Hans Grueber and his cronies, while America got it's ass handed to it by a bunch of ass-backword commies in Vietnam.



....One is myth and one is truth. I leave that determination up to you.

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If the Da Vinci Code, a murder-mystery novel, threatens your beliefs, then your beliefs are weak and should be threatened.

--

Quote

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Word

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Hell if I know.

--
Hell if I know.

Quote

Quote 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. Remember kids, Bruce Willis, with glass in his feet, singlehandedly defeated the evil german Hans Grueber and his cronies, while America got it's ass handed to it by a bunch of ass-backword commies in Vietnam. ....One is myth and one is truth. I leave that determination up to you. ---- If the Da Vinci Code, a murder-mystery novel, threatens your beliefs, then your beliefs are weak and should be threatened.

I went and saw that movie in the theater when I was 6 years old because I heard how badass Bruce Willis was in it.

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On the stormy shores of Azeroth,
A silhouette did stand.
A brave and stalwart sailor,
Who gave a helpin' hand.
Without fail, on every whim,
which we did demand,
He simply smiled and waved his hand
and sent us 'cross the land.

--
"Whatever the reason you're on Mars, I'm glad you're there, and I wish I was with you."
Carl Sagan, from a marker left by the Mars Pathfinder rover Sojourner.

Quote

Quote Quote 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. Remember kids, Bruce Willis, with glass in his feet, singlehandedly defeated the evil german Hans Grueber and his cronies, while America got it's ass handed to it by a bunch of ass-backword commies in Vietnam. ....One is myth and one is truth. I leave that determination up to you. ---- If the Da Vinci Code, a murder-mystery novel, threatens your beliefs, then your beliefs are weak and should be threatened. I went and saw that movie in the theater when I was 6 years old because I heard how badass Bruce Willis was in it.

he didnt let me down

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"SHALOM!"
Bacardee and Cola get the job done!
http://tinyurl.com/oofrg

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"SHALOM!"
Bacardee and Cola get the job done!